Things That Needed To Be Said
by SemperFi.ca
Summary: Set right between 'The Gold Standard' and 'Drive' Kensi discovers the only kind of valve that will help her to deal with the emotions inside of her. Note: In the unlikely event of offending any Owen Granger fans here I would like to recommend to them to skip this story … for everyone else … enjoy
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

First of all I do not own anything, not NCIS LA nor any charakters just borrowing them for a moment and some fun and of course promising to put them back when I am done.

Second … this is my first fanfiction. Since I only read the stories I find here I felt like I should participate as well. I am actually working on something longer based around the whole K. Blye fiasco of Season 3 when this kind of fought its way into my head mostly thanks to 'The Gold Standard'. Honestly some of the thoughts accompanied me for a while but the title pretty much gives it away anyway. Still hope you enjoy it a little. And since I have no idea what 'Drive' will look like I played around a bit, don't hate. The second and last chapter is already written and only waiting for me to spell check it so that you can be certain that every mistake you might still find will have a specific kind of linguistic meaning which is very important for the story itself. Even though I have no idea in what way … so just bare with me.

Here we go …

* * *

**Anger** involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived provocation.

Shiela Videbeck

The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body language, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression.

For a moment she pondered whether beating the hell out of Callen newest toy could be considered a public act of aggression. Being in the middle of the gym she probably couldn't really argue with the fact of this being quite public. But an act of aggression … another hard punch hit the padded surface of her sparing partner.

_Move that punch over._

A metallic voice encouraged her. Her jab wasn't as lethal as her punch but still held enough force to get another motivating feedback of the machine.

_Keep the force stable._

By now she should have felt some kind of pain in her wrists but she didn't, not even the usual dull pain in her knuckles that constantly kicked in after a few minutes of intense sparing. Nothing but hot rage kept shooting through her veins; numbing up all of the sensory cells in her system.

_Lead kick._

Exactly what she needed right now and with a quick move her left foot came into hard contact with the patch she was supposed to hit. The loud thud made some of the other agents who were also exercising in the gym look up. A body kicked followed which was accompanied by two punches to the right.

_Nice combo._

Indeed it had been a nice combo but it didn't help release the tension inside her. Keeping a steady eye on the faceless avatar Kensi wondered if she could talk Eric into changing the picture to the person that actually had caused her anger, well rage by now. Throwing another two punches at the machine she took a deep breath in.

It had worked for Hetty to hack into the system so why shouldn't it work for this little readjustment. She was certain it would make her feel better. Another hard kick was followed by a lethal punch. She felt her knuckles giving in a bit but still no pain, simply nothing but numbness and emptiness. But that changed immediately and drastically the moment her eyes focused beyond the screen of her sparing partner.

Settling her gaze upon her real life partner she could clearly make out the scratches and bruises on his handsome features even in the dim light of the gym. Looking down her eyes caught sight of the sling in which his right arm was calmly resting in while he was typing away on his phone probably playing some Angry Bird or another game he had become addicted too.

She had never noticed him coming in but since the day had been rather calm and there were no reports to finish she had disappeared in here on the first opportunity that presented itself. Sam and Callen had left hours ago to follow a new lead on a very old and very cold case, mostly to kill some time than to expect a major change to their investigation. Deeks had stayed behind since he usually had the double workload when it came to reports and paperwork thanks to the LAPD.

Images of the last case flashed before Kensi's eyes and to her rage a nice mix of fear, annoyance and blunt hate joined in. The more severe injuries were hidden by his clothes. She knew, well she expected … honestly she had never seen him in that much pain. Sure he used to whine about a paper cut like his whole body was torn in half but this time it had been different, different and scary since he hadn't said one word when they had found him.

His face scrunched up in a clear expression of pain and agony and not one tone had left his lips. On the first sight she could tell that something had been wrong with his shoulder. The angle his arm had been in was anything but natural and as she had suspected the doctor on duty only confirmed what everyone already knew. A dislocated shoulder was no fun and Deeks had to learn that fact in the most painful way. It took them a while at the hospital to patch him up and so they decided to keep him overnight. She had only seen him that quiet once and again she found herself in a hospital room with nurses rushing around them.

Sure he had been lucky, like all of them had been since the possibility of one of them dead or more had been more than likely. So she should be graceful for the fact that they were all more or less fine but she wasn't. Not at all graceful, she was furious beyond believe because nothing of this would have happened in the first place if a certain someone hadn't been so stupid and carefree to send Deeks on such a suicidal mission all on his own.

Another hard punch hit the machine and the avatar turned a deep red.

_Excellent, take a break!_

But just like the last few times the only thing Kensi did was push the button for the higher level. She hardly heard her own panting breaths with her eyes still fixed on Deeks and his concentrated features. Her blood was rushing through her system viciously and cold leaving a forceful erratic beat in her eardrums. But she didn't notice it anymore since it had been there for a while.

How dare him, how dare putting a member of their team at risk like that, how dare putting her partner on the frontline without any real backup … how dare… periode.

By now she was grinding her teeth in a very unhealthy way and the usually very feminine features of her face tensed up in a forced grimace. For anyone witnessing her it looked like she was very into her workout but for everyone that knew her a little better it was the clear sign to stand at least 10ft away from her.

_Bend the knees._

Her body replied eagerly without even paying fully attention to the commands given by the machine in front of her. She was still lost in some of the memories of the last 48h. He had been unusually quiet ever since they had left the hospital and that hadn't changed this morning either. It bothered her because it simply showed one more time that she actually didn't know too much about him at all. Always deflecting with his humor it was tough to get to the gooey middle of Marty Deeks that needed to exist somewhere because otherwise his sometimes girlish behavior didn't make too much sense.

Well everyone learns to live and overcome bad things like betrayal and hurt in different ways and while she had decided on keeping important things to herself Deeks had become a master of deception.

She raised her knee forcefully and slammed it against the machine. The rage wouldn't ebb away, it never had during all those hours leaving her tossing and turning during night and bitching during the day. If she could just find the right valve?! She had tried running for miles up to the point where her stomach had protested violently, she had persuade Sam into another taser-knife fight which had left several burn marks on her skin, still unsatisfied she pulled her exhausted body through a 2 hour Pilates routine before ending with some relaxing Yoga that only helped sorting out her anger issues for real. Unfortunately Callen had refused to get into another Saya match this morning clearly sensing the mood she had been in. Now she was stuck with a rather stiff and mouthy sparing partner who wouldn't quit giving her instructions and still it wasn't helping the tiniest bit.

All of a sudden the screen turned black and Kensi hold her punch while breathing hard. Oh some dreams do come true she thought as the screen sprang back to life and the head of Assistant Director Owen Granger turned up. Right in that moment Kensi let go of her punch and hit the designated patch so hard that even Deeks looked up. Still no pain penetrated her nerve endings.

"Nice punch Ms. Blye. I'd like to see you in Ops asap!" his face showed no emotion as usual and the fury inside of her rose even more. What could be so damn important right now?

"I am sorry to decline your request Sir but I am in the middle of working out!" Kensi hissed through gritted teeth and let her jab follow to prove her obvious point.

"That wasn't a polite request Ms. Blye it was an order!" with that the screen turned black again and Kensi let her forehead crush into one of the soft pads. Droplets of sweat run down the back of her neck and soaked the soft material of her sports bra she used to workout in. Her breath came out in arrhythmic rasps as she tried to keep her reaction in check. Taking a few unsteady steps to the bench where she had left her bottle of water a million of different thoughts crushed her mind and left a chaotic battlefield of feelings and emotions.

Whatever let her to the next move she wasn't sure of but it must have come from a very world-weary part of her brain. With full force she slammed her right fist into the glass door of the cupboard where Hetty usually hid her expensive foreign syrups. The glass shattered on the very impact leaving a loud and bone shattering noise of destruction throughout the quiet rumble of the gym. She didn't feel the splinter of glass penetrating her skin but saw as fresh and deep red blood pouring from the wounds.

"Gee Kens!" came the muffled cry of Deeks as he struggled to get up and hoppled over to where she was standing.

"It's nothing!" the distant reply felt foreign even to her very own lips.

"That doesn't look like nothing!" and his voice became louder and held a certain trace of fine accusation as he took her hand into his left and inspected the damage carefully. "That'll need stitches!"

"I am fine!" she hissed and pulled her hand forcefully out of his. It should have been beyond painful but Deeks didn't see one muscle of her beautiful face twitch. Angrily she started to stomp her way back to Ops leaving a fairly nice blood trail in her wake. Deeks hurried after her as good as he could and forgot about the pain in his body for a moment. He had no idea what was going on.

Humbling rather awkwardly after her he made his way to the bullpen too late to catch the beginning of the obviously heated conversation Kensi and the Assistant Director had begun. Observing Kensi's body language Deeks knew that 'heated conversation' wasn't cutting it even close and not for the first time he wished he could lip read like his partner.

Getting a bit closer he could make out a few words but his attention settled on Hetty who had joined the party unnoticed by the lead protagonists. Before he could take another step a certain word he had picked up on made him stop dead in tracks.

" … carrer prospects we've talked about!"

Hetty's face had a look of pure shock and disbelief edged into her features and Deeks was pretty sure that his facial expression mirrored exactly the same emotions. So obviously he hadn't been the only one left in the dark here. To taken aback by the news it took him a moment to focus his attention back on Kensi and the conversation at hand. Her whole body language screamed of an upcoming attack. Quite like a dog that takes one beating after another before he turns and bites back hard. Her shoulders were tense, her back straight and stiff. She held her head up proud and took a bit of a wider stand as she took a step back leaving a respectable distance between the two of them. It looked like Granger had tried to convince her to take this conversation to a more private setting but Kensi had refused.

"How dare you Assistant Director?!" she asked with a low voice Deeks never had heard before. For a moment he had to make sure that it was indeed Kensi who had uttered those words and not someone else.

"You want to watch your mouth there Agent Blye!" just as expected Granger became defensive immediately but it only made Kensi's left eyebrow arch in skepticism and so she repeated her words only a little more forcefully than the first time.

"How dare you … asking me about my career prospects after you nearly managed to kill my partner not 48h ago!" she ended in a hiss and Deeks saw how her uninjured left hand clenched into a fist.

"Ms Blye you know how undercover work goes. He had a job, he finished it, no harm done!" his tone was slightly quieter than before in a miserable try to relief some of the tension in the room.

Kensi's eyes shot up to Deeks taking his appearance in one more time before taking a shaky breath and answering: "No harm done?! The main suspects are dead; the team was pulled into an unauthorized operation which could have gotten all of us killed and Deeks looks like he got run over by a truck. Is this your idea of no harm done Assistant Director?!" the cynical undertone made even Hetty flinch for a moment before she took a step forward to make her presents known.

"Don't Hetty I am not done!" Kensi spoke without giving Hetty a single glance. Her eyes were fixed on Granger like the eyes of a wolf on its prey.

"I think you are Ms. Blye!" Hetty's voice was calm and her features unreadable for anyone close by.

"No I am not! Did you know what was going on?!" Kensi asked bluntly and shifted her gaze for a millisecond to the older women she used to cherish unconditionally. Lately though she couldn't help but wonder if what they were doing was still the right approach. The slight pause before Hetty tried to answer the question of her best female agent let Kensi shake her head.

"You got to be kidding" she said under her breath more to herself than anyone else.

"With all due respect Hetty please make me understand why an unimportant title a person achieves makes such a difference to you. Seriously if one of your NCIS agents gets killed you have your letter of resignation up your sleeve before we can count to ten but if anyone else who works for the NCIS gets to meet an unfortunate end you couldn't care less!" as she sees Hetty silently shaking her head in a gesture of refusal there is only one name leaving Kensi's lips: "Moe!" and with that Deeks noticed how the shoulders of their boss sink a little in a sign of defeat. "And there would be more names to add!" Kensi reminds all of them silently and focused her attention back on Granger who was still standing right in front of her.

"Ms Blye! … " his voice is back to a dangerous growl that make Deeks knees wobble a bit with his attention still on Hetty. She had been there at the briefing. She had known the details and while he tried to remember her reactions he was distracted by Grangers voice.

"You could be an extraordinary agent if you would only get over …" but he never finished his sentence as Kensi took a step closer breathing low … "Get over what Assistant Director!?" the question hang heavy in the air of the office. Suddenly the slight buzz that always seemed to mend with the place during the busy hours of the day had vanished and left the historical building in a sterile kind of silence.

For a moment Deeks saw how the Assistant Director contemplated of giving her a real answer. In the end he chose to play out a diversionary tactic. "What do you think will happen after Hetty is gone!?" That blunt statement let all three of them look up in a shocked way, even Hetty. But on her face it only lasted for a fraction before it turned into a knowing smile.

"Do you really believe Ms Blye that this team will stay together?!" he waited silently for a moment before he kept on going … "Because if you do you are really naïve. Mr. Callen has way past exceeded his date of expiry while Mr. Hanna is preoccupied with his family issues and Mr. Deeks here, … he isn't even NCIS in the first place so how are the odds?!" and again he went silent for a portentously pause.

"You Ms. Blye though, you could be on the fast track if you'd only want to! You have the set of skills, the brain and the looks!" on the last word Kensi's stomach turned again and she felt another wave of nausea hit her. This was like a very bad dream she couldn't wake up from. Again a million different thoughts floated her head and left her a shaking mess.

"All you have to do is get over your puppy love for your partner and move on with real life!" and with those words Kensi snapped. Suddenly all those confusing thoughts left her system in a quick gust and an odd calmness remained within her.

Deeks saw what happened before it actually did and he started to move in order to prevent it from enfolding in front of him but with his injured leg he never made it in time. So the only thing he could do was staring at the scenario in front of him.

The sound was sickening to the ear as her fist came into contact with his face. The move had been quick and she wasn't even aware she had initiated it. On impact she felt the force behind it as the bone under her tensed fingers splintered into several pieces instantaneously. A red light flashed in front of her eyes and a metallic sound congratulating her on the punch penetrated her ear. So this was what 'a nice punch' felt like. A warm sensation disturbed her thoughts as hot blood coursed over her hand. This time it wasn't hers. Well most of it since it came from the pulsating leak of whatever was left of Assistant Director Grangers nose. With the last strength inside her wrist she had felt her knuckles finally giving in too but never experienced any kind of pain. Everything still felt numb to her.

She saw how her punch had caused the Assistant Director to stumble backwards and fall flat on his backside. By now he was cursing loudly but she couldn't make out a single word. So she only turned and found Deeks in the perfect imitation of a huge fish gasping for air on the dry land. He couldn't really believe what had just happened and taking one reassuring glance to Hetty, she couldn't either. Kensi on the other hand walked closer to him and mumbled under her breath: "I think that ride to ER might come in handy now!" because even though she couldn't feel it right now she knew she had damaged her hand quite extensively.

It was that moment that Callen and Sam chose to join the party. Snickering on the way in about something that they had obviously been engrossed in, they stopped dead in tracks.

"What the hell happened here!?" Callen blurted out only to get a pleading look from Sam for his use of language … "Sorry!" he mumbled when Sam turned his attention back to the scene

"What the … !?" but Callen's persistent stare made him change his diction on the spot … " … heck?!" and it held a questioning undertone with it.

"Nothing happened here Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna. Assistant Director Granger had a little accident with …" another slight pause let everyone look skeptically at Hetty before she continued … "a door!"

"Door? There is no door anywhere close by!" observed Sam quite correctly only to get a slight nudge by Callen to shut up. "Oh right the door!" he corrected himself and added duplicitously … "tricky little thing that door!"

"This will cost you everything Ms. Blye!" Granger spattered blood all around the floor while he spoke.

"What will cost Ms. Blye everything Owen I haven't seen a thing here have you Mr. Deeks?!" Hetty grinned, some people simply deserved what they got and she had known the Assistant Director long enough to be certain that this wasn't even cutting close to what he deserved but indeed it had been an enjoyable start.

Deeks though was still more or less speechless as he turned around to see Kensi gathering her belongings with her uninjured hand. It took her only a minute when she looked up to him. Understanding the simple clue right away he turned back to Hetty shaking his shaggy hair: "Not a single thing Hetty. If you excuse us Kensi had a little accident in the gym before. I better take her to a hospital so they can check her out!" with that said he turned on his heels and followed Kensi out of the bullpen.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Not going to bore you here just wanted to say a special thank you for the review writers ... you rock ... seriously you do!

So let's finish this …

* * *

The ride from the hospital had been very quiet just like the ride to the ER and the 6 hours it took for a doctor to finally haul Kensi away for a proper treatment of her hand. Deeks had used the time to find the gift shop and bought two of Kensi's favorite treats, maybe a peace offering would help calm things down a bit. So when Kensi returned with a neatly bandaged hand Deeks had led her back to the car where she had found a Twinkie and a Hoho on the dashboard. Letting him drive again Kensi took the passenger seat and buckled herself up before taking the sweats away from the middle where Deeks had put them strategically. He wasn't sure if Kensi wanted to drive herself or not since it was her car after all. While he started the engine he was lucky enough to catch the little smile on her lips as she busied herself inhaling the sweet treats he had provided.

Now they were only two streets away from her place and the sun began to set in a dramatic change of color. Finding a parking spot rather quick Deeks pondered what to do next. Killing the engine he took hold of her car keys and wanted to hand them over to her but before he could do just that Kensi had already gotten out of the car and was on the way to her apartment. Looking after her there weren't too many options left for Deeks and so he followed her inside. The front door was open wide and he took the rather subtle hint to enter as well. Her place was an organized mess just as usual and so Deeks took some of her stuff off of the couch before sitting down.

Kensi though was nowhere to be seen and when he heard the sound of the shower a few minutes later he took a quick breath of relieve. Still not sure if he was meant to stay or not and whether he wanted to or not considering the mood Kensi still seemed to be in he decided on making himself useful. He was starving and since neither of them had a chance to eat between all the chaos of the ER he was pretty sure that Kensi might be slightly hungry as well. Making his way to her kitchen he tried to not trip over any of the obstacles blocking his desired path. Finally arriving at his destination unharmed he looked through all the cupboards to find something eatable. But even after minutes of searching, including an extended tour throughout her fridge, he only came up empty and decided to call her favorite burrito place.

Meanwhile Kensi stood under the hot spray of water droplets. Her skin had turned a nasty shade of red a while ago but she couldn't care less. Even though the rage from before had subsided completely the moment her fist had smashed into Owen Grangers face the feeling of numbness was still there and ubiquitous. It worried her but more than that it started to annoy her. She knew it too well, even though it had been quite a while when she had felt it last. But just like back then it was strong and unyielding. All she wanted was for it to go away and so she had turned the heat of the water up to the highest level and waited patiently for the sensation to set in. But it never did. Frustrated she turned off the water and took a step out of her shower grabbing a towel on the way.

Even during the examination of the doctor she hadn't felt any real pain and when they had told her she would need a mild local anesthesia in order to stitch the cuts on her hand back together she had swallowed the cynical reply which had been on the tip of tongue. The people at the hospital had nothing to do with the bad mood she was in and shouldn't be suffering because of it. So she shut up and endured the logical procedure that had followed.

The ring of the bell shook Deeks from his thoughts. Getting up from her couch he made his way to the front door to receive the food he had ordered. Pushing whatever change he had left in his pockets into the delivery boy's hand he quickly turned around and began to set the table, which included cleaning the mentioned object first. Putting two plates and some cutlery down Deeks added the beer he had found in the fridge and waited for Kensi to reappear. It had been a while since he had heard some rummaging from her bedroom and ever so slowly he began to worry. After another few minutes he decided to check upon her.

Knocking carefully he waited for a response to enter but got nothing more than a silent grunt he wasn't even sure he had actually heard at all. Pushing his luck he turned the doorknob and poked his head in carefully. His eyes were firmly shut as he whispered an insecure: "Are you decent?!" as to not be overheard by whatever invisible bystanders he thought lounged around. He was greeted by another quiet grunt and opened the door a little wider. "I take that as a yes!" he said a bit more certain and with a tiny cheeky undertone to his voice. So he peeked under his lashes and saw Kensi clad in comfortable looking Yoga pants and a vaguely familiar hoody sprawled out on her bed. Tangled up in her rumbled sheets between a variation of books and magazines as well as her SIG Sauer she looked a little bit lost. With an amused shake of his head he took a step forward and offered his uninjured hand to her. "Food is here!"

"I am not hungry!" of course she would say that but the soft pout on her face gave her lie away. So Deeks wasn't really upset and took her left hand into his tugging gently. "Come on Fern your favorite burritos are awaiting you and I am starving so that must mean …" but he never got to finish his sentence as Kensi interrupted him right away … "… hold it right there!" her voice held a threat within the soft tune but her eyes were gentle and she didn't protest any further as Deeks carefully pulled her up. Letting go of her hand he turned around and went back to the living room leaving Kensi to follow.

Turning up from her bedroom she noticed right away that Deeks had put on her beloved reality TV-Show and pretended to be engrossed in it like he always did. The moment her nose got a slight swift of the delicious scent of the food on the table her stomach growled loudly which only educed a soft chuckle from her partner. "Sit down already and eat!" he commanded gently and patted the spot next to him on her couch. So she gave into her faith and slumped quite unceremoniously on the soft surface before she pretty much devoured the food in front of her.

Between the two of them they finished the burritos quickly and found themselves slouched on either sides of the leathery seating accommodation. Sitting cross-legged, Kensi had nervously started to peel the label off of her beer which rested on her knee. Once in a while she would tear the gaze from her trembling fingers and sneaked a peek at Deeks. He seemed to be really focused on her TV put she knew him better than that. He really didn't care too much about the show and only watched in on her behalf because he knew it helped her relax after a stressful day. Today though nothing would really help her relax and she couldn't care less what was flickering over the screen. Taking another shaky breath she simply voiced what was occupying her brain all along.

"It's no puppy love!"

It was a silent mumble and quite rushed so she didn't expect him to catch up on it in the first place or in case he did pick up on some parts to ask her to repeat herself. What she didn't expect though was the clear and quickly fired answer she received.

"I know … and it's mutual!" A tiny flutter rushed through her stomach and ousted the numbness from her systems instantaneously. The slight pause between his words made her realize that he had understood the meaning behind her statement easily enough and also crushed all the insecurities she might still had had. The only odd thing was that Deeks gaze had been glued to the colorful screen of the TV all the time and he hadn't even twitched. Not sure what else to say Kensi approached carefully.

"And we are going to do what about it?" and again he never moved an inch when he answered her quickly: "No idea!" only the slightly erratic breathing and his tensed appearance gave him away. Unconsciously biting her lip Kensi couldn't help but fear that they were steering into unknown waters here before Deeks soft but persistent voice broke her trail of thoughts again: "But if you don't stop that right away I won't be held responsible for my actions!"

Looking up astonished she starred right into a stormy dark shade of pacific blue that could only belong to her partner. She had never noticed him sliding closer or picking his left hand up. Only when he carefully touched his thumb to the corner of her bottom lip and tucked it free from her teeth she was aware of him moving. With the first sensation of his warm skin on her a tingly feeling started to break free and chased down her body leaving her slightly shaking in the process. She couldn't really stop her eyes from closing as Deeks gently began to trace her jaw with his index finger and all the feelings she had been missing for hours actually days by now came rushing back. Suddenly she could feel her cold feet again which she hadn't really missed, Deeks fanning breath on her cheeks which she couldn't get enough of, the dull pain of her wrists that was too familiar and also the very vivid piercing pain in her right hand.

"God I want to kiss you right now!?" Deeks groaned and let his forehead softly rest against Kensi's.

Another flutter disturbed her stomach and even though it was kind of an unpleasant feeling it made her so unbelievingly happy.

"What's stopping you?!" she whispered back and kept her eyes firmly shut only to have her uninjured hand roaming for his jeans clad thigh. Finally finding it she enjoyed the warmth that spread through the soft and well worn fabric under her fingertips.

"I don't know! The suspicion that I won't be able to stop once I've started." And this time the flutter went a bit deeper and was way more pleasant than before. Actually it was so distractive that she only heard the end of his next sentence.

"… and we are in no shape to start on those dream sequences that I have!"

"Sequences?!" Kensi asked with a stifled laugh and sneaked a peek at Deeks. His eyes were firmly shut as well and the goofy smile that grazed his features was giving his answer away before his lips did.

"Oh yes … sequences …" he stressed the plural ending mercilessly before continuing …" … loads of them. Starting with a hot tub and tones of fresh powder and ending somewhere close to a MMA sparring ring!" he grinned devilishly and Kensi couldn't help herself but lean forward to give his lips a gentle peck. It did last a bit longer than intended but self-control was only so strong.

"You staying?!" Kensi asked and hated her voice when it broke the tiniest bit at the end sounding slightly needy. He answered it with another slight groan and leaned back to take a look in her eyes. She saw the slight hesitation, the worried thoughts and the good intentions behind his gaze and it took him a while to answer.

"Can you make room between your smut novels and your gun?!" he asked skeptically but with a smirk on his features gladly welcoming the soft jab to his uninjured shoulder: "I don't read smut novels!" she protested but nodded her head to his actual question.

"Ok!" was his only reply and the soft smile on his lips seduced Kensi to give him another tiny kiss. This time though she wasn't as fast and Deeks wasn't taken as off guard as before and so he followed her retreat to deepen the brush of their lips. Regaining whatever kind of control was left he pulled back quickly and mumbled a rather shy apology before putting some distance between their bodies. Kensi though couldn't help but laugh about his behavior, grabbed the remote and shut off the TV. Offering her hand to him while she stood up she suddenly noticed something or more precisely someone she hadn't thought of before.

"What about Monty? He shouldn't be spending the night on his own tearing your apartment down! We could go to your place!" she began to rumble when a soft smile on his lips interrupted her. It was mostly triggered by the knowledge that his beloved mutt was safe and sound and probably well fed and asleep by now but also by the fact that Kensi would drop everything momentarily and come with him to his place.

"Monty is fine!" he reassured her and explained that he was still at the doggie-care-center where he had left him right before the undercover mission had begun.

"I never came around to pick him up yesterday and today was kind of a blur too. But I am pretty sure he is fine and quite happy that he can spend some more quality time with his lady friend!"

"Lady friend?!" Kensi asked interested while they made their way back to her bedroom never letting go of his hand as his fingers had entwined with hers eagerly.

"Yap puddle … twice his size … and please don't ask. Ever since the whole Chaucer fiasco he can't seem to get his mind off of them!" Deeks shuddered mentally and tried to get the disturbing image out of his head.

"Am I mistaken here I believed Chaucer was a male dog!" Kensi snickered and let go of Deeks hand while she looked through her dresser and dug out a long forgotten item.

"Yap he sure was or is I assume and Monty is neutered or at least I've been told so … which leads to the conclusion that nothing of this should have happened at all …" he began one of his famous flood of words only to stop midsentence when he spotted what Kensi was holding … " … and that is my shirt and I knew it!" he smiled triumphantly and waited for Kensi to explain herself. But nothing more than a smirk left her lips and from behind her back she retrieved another kind of clothing that made his features scrunch up in an even more unbelieving gesture. " … and those are my boxer shor …" he stopped again trying to remember the last time he had seen them …

"When did you snatch those?!" Deeks wanted to know but only got a tiny shoulder shrug in response. Handing him a towel Kensi mentioned to the bathroom and when he didn't move she reasoned well prepared: "Be glad I took them otherwise you would need to sleep in one of mine and even though I know I am going to pay for that in a very crude way in the near future but they are really not your style or your size. Now hush and get moving. I still need to brush my teeth and I am tired enough to sleep throughout the whole weekend!"

Always being the gentlemen he yielded to Kensi the use of the bathroom first and busied himself with clearing some of the 'debris' off of Kensi's bed. He knew better than to touch her gun and so he sorted the magazines and books and placed them neatly on the quite unusually empty surface of her nightstand. Also he began to untangle the sheets when Kensi re-emerged through the wooden door.

Taking a very quick and very cold shower Deeks struggled with his injured arm before finding a second unused toothbrush in the cupboard under the sink and brushed his teeth. Taking the opportunity to look around he found the Christmas present he had given to her last year on a shelf next to the sink. Only a tiny bit was left and a thin film of dust led to the presumption that it hadn't been used in a while. Again he couldn't fight the smile that was claiming his lips and quickly finished his dental hygiene routine. After all, you do not get a high school hygiene award for nothing.

Opening the door of the bathroom and thanks to his injury awkwardly trying to finish dressing in his shirt all in once he started to tease her:

"Hey Kens if you like my present that much just say so and I'll get you another … b-o-t-t-l-e!" The last word was already kind of jerky as he sensed the change in her immediately. She was back on her back on the ride side of the bed with her arm resting over her assumedly closed eyes like he had found her when their dinner had arrived. Her body was tense and her Sig rested neatly in her left hand.

"Well even though I find this disturbingly sexy … is there a reason why you got your gun Kens!" Deeks asked and even though his usual wittiness couldn't be denied the worry in his tone outweighed any other implications.

He heard the sharp intake of air when Kensi rose into a sitting position again and placed her service weapon on top of the magazines on her nightstand. Sliding back a bit she let her body rest against the headboard and looked up to Deeks.

"You ever asked yourself if all of this is worth it?" she asked cryptically and her eyes seemed to plead him for a reassuring answer. But all Deeks had to offer was the simple truth so he walked over to her and sat down.

"Pretty much every day … but during the last 3 years a bit less!" Sliding right next to her he kept his gaze glued to her mismatched eyes.

"What is triggering all of this Kens?!" his tone was even more worried than before and only underlined the sincere look of concern on his face. With a soft thud her head landed on his left shoulder before her voice broke through the silence of the room again.

"You remember the number of people you have killed?!" she whispered, letting out a shaky breath and beginning to fidget her fingers insecurely which looked incredibly painful from where he was observing. So the first thing Deeks did was to pry her fingers from each other and placing her bandaged arm carefully on the bed between them.

"The last one had been number 21!" his voice was normal but you could clearly hear the distant pain it held in the soft timbre when you know him better.

"I can't remember … I mean I do … but I don't know, I am not certain … and how can I be not certain about the number of people I've killed!" Kensi sounded desperate and it tore at his heart to see her like that. He knew that they had to make certain sacrifices for their job, had to fulfill dubious orders, lie, cheat, trait and even worse but nothing ever felt like watching Kensi right now.

"What kind of a person does that make me?!" fortunately he never had to answer that question because quite honestly he had no idea what to say. Not that he thought Kensi was a bad person for not knowing, he certainly did not but what was he supposed to answer to something like that.

"Seriously Deeks sometimes I feel like I am in a bad TV Show that started to use violence as a tool to catch the viewer's attention and now can't seem to get out of that imprudently installed spiral." Kensi kept on talking …

"When was the last time our suspects didn't get killed?! Even at Christmas in the middle of the Pacific we couldn't solve the case without a dead suspect!"

"Well it's either them or us!" Deeks interposed carefully letting his head rest against the headboard closing his eyes for a moment. He had stopped counting the nights where he had lain in bed wide awake unable to sleep. They say that it is very unhealthy to take your work home and they sure were right especially considering what they are doing. But it made Deeks who he was and yes he quite rightly was proud of that. Still he would be lying if he ever said his duties never bothered him.

"Sure but more and more lately I feel like we are not even handed an opportunity anymore. The cases Hetty gives us leave absolutely no room to negotiate. It's always about terrorist of some sort, a national or even better international threat. Bombs, spies, some more bombs, drugs, terrorists, weapons and than we start the whole caboodle again! It's not like those are the only cases NCIS is working on. There are missing military personal, stolen items of the Navy and less deadly cases so why do we always end up with no choice in the end?!" by now her voice was pleading just like her eyes had been minutes before.

"I don't know Kens! Maybe because you guys are the best NCIS has!" Deeks tried to say but got interrupted by Kensi right away. "Don't make it sound like you are not one of us. You are! And just because Callen and Sam give you a hard time sometimes doesn't mean that they don't know precisely how much better you make the team. Even Hetty should have realized that by now!" Kensi grunted and her head felt heavier on his shoulder.

"She has Kens … a long time ago. Probably right from the beginning!" again his voice had turned to a soft timbre but this time it made Kensi sign a bit in defeat. "Don't defend her she doesn't deserve your loyalty!"

"She sure does. Without her I would have never gotten the opportunity to work with the NCIS, I would not have gotten to know the team and more importantly the odds of meeting you would have been a lot longer. So Hetty deserves everything. And besides you and the rest of the team she is the only real stable thing in my life and so I won't give up on that easily." Deeks explained calmly and very persuasive but Kensi's stubbornness wasn't convinced that quickly.

"But she put you into danger in agreeing to that insane assignment of Granger and she left everyone in the dark. She left me in the dark again … after all we've been through last year!"

"Did she?! Who do you think let the info slip of where the deal was going down. Without that you would have never found me in time!" he had promised not to mention it to anyone but the situation seemed severe enough to break it.

"That was Hetty?!" Kensi asked unbelieving only to feel the slight nod of Deeks head … "Jap sure was!" Actually it had been his idea to include the subtle hint he knew Kensi would pick up on because he didn't want to betray her like he had to during the Fisk's case. But for the moment he chose to keep that little unimportant fact to himself.

"And it's not like Hetty hasn't offered me a full agent position yet!" He added quietly not too sure what Kensi's reaction would be to that piece of information. Jerking her head up, she turned around to ask in a tune of inquiry: "She did? When?"

"A while ago!" Deeks admitted and turned his gaze to his naked legs awaiting her expected outburst which never came.

"And you haven't decided yet?!" she rather wanted to know and kept her voice slightly above a whisper.

"I don't know … I mean I used to but things have been different for a while!" he voiced but saw the confused expression on her face when he looked up again and tried to explain further.

"You know in the beginning LAPD was my home, my family even though no one really likes each other too much around there but how is that different from most families. I mean I am a cop; always will be one … it simply felt right all the time and so I never took Hetty up on her offer. Lately though and frankly for quite some time I feel more at home with NCIS, the team, Eric, Nell, gee even Callen and Sam … and you!" The last words were spoken softly and after a slight pause which he used to escape her persistent stare.

"So why haven't you spoken to Hetty yet?" Kensi wanted to know and waited patiently while he juggled with the right words.

"Us well you … I don't know … I guess I am scared that with me turning full agent the chances of us getting separate by a douche bag like Granger will become higher than they are right now! I mean they are already pushing the boundaries of their respective jurisdiction with keeping me a liaison officer at NCIS and I thought that maybe like this we could get away with it in case we become …" and again he struggled for the proper words before he carefully tested the sound of the following: "… something more! I know it sounds retarded but it did make sense to me most of the time!" he deflected quickly and turned his gaze back to his feet which turned colder by the second and not just because of the fresh air around them.

Kensi chuckled lightly to his trail of thoughts and his insecure behavior, it was so unlike the usually so self-assured and cocky picture he liked to sell. Slightly destracting again but also in order to get his next message through the thick scull of hers he carefully put his left arm around her and hauled her back against his side. Keeping her close he absently stroked her left arm in a teasing gestures as he began to speak: "And about those doubts of yours … maybe we need to read them backwards. Instead of how many lifes you had to take, how many people have you saved at the job?!"

Kensi shrugged her shoulders but enjoyed his closeness and the mixed scent of him and her detergent which was interwoven in the fabric of his shirt. "A few I suppose!"

"A few? If I remember correctly we have saved close to 7 billion people not even a year ago" Deeks grinned confidently only to be greeted by one of her snorting laughs. "Deeks just because we stopped that woman from setting off a pandemic doesn't mean we saved the entire humankind."

"Mhh if you say so … it sure felt like it!" he tried to lighten the mood one more time before he became a bit more serious again. "And it's not the number that counts … think about the individual cases. We have the privilege of making a difference in this world every single day and we are good at it. You are good at it … probably the best there is! And it makes you even more incredible that under all of those badass, ninja assassin layers there is still a part that cares beyond believe." Whatever she had wanted to retort back when he began to talk died on her tongue the moment she had heard the rest. Turning her head she could see the pure honesty behind his words in the clear orbs of pale blue. Gently tucking one messy blond curl off his forehead she couldn't help but smile.

"Don't you think that this assessment is kind of judgmental!?" she asked and unconsciously started to bite her lip again. "Nope not at all!" Deeks fired back without a second thought and leaned forward this time tucking her lip free with his and the help of a soft kiss. "And for the record, next time we will look more closely for that 'opportunity' you were talking about and if we really can't find one again we will have a serious talk with those writers of your hypothetical TV Show. How about that!?" Deeks suggested and initiated another one of Kensi's softer smiles.

"I'd like that! So this 'something more' you were talking about … what exactly were you thinking about!?" Kensi asked curiously and followed him willing as he settled his back to the bed and lay down. Her head rested comfortably on the left side of his chest and he started to let his fingers run smoothly through the hazel strands of her hair.

"Well … it kind of goes along with those dream sequences!?" Deeks smirked but lost the expression right away when he felt her nimble fingertips disappearing under his shirt and settling right above the waistband of his boxer shorts. Gasping for some well needed air he nearly missed her teasing voice.

"Oh about those … I would really like to hear some more too!"


	3. Conclusion

Author's note:

As a little 'Thank-You Note' for all the followers and review writers a short conclusion. And for everyone who is still bumped up about last week's episode. Even though I think it's not really worth it since the characters never have been too consistent, why start now and why get worked up about it?!

A special thanks to jmlane1966 for acknowledging the true meaning of story. You raise my hope that others out of the over 2000 viewers picked up on it.

And to Lelo07 thank you very much for voicing your concern. I got rid of my exclamations points in this part. I usually use them for small pauses in a conversation in case you have an idea how I can visualize such a pause in a different way please let me know.

* * *

Walking into Ops on Monday morning Deeks noticed how tense Kensi's posture appeared. They had spent pretty much the whole weekend together elaborating the finer definition of their 'thing' before dawn had come and challenged them to face the real world again, not that anything hadn't felt real during the last 48h. But at some point Kensi had seemed to remember again that with attacking the Assistant Director of the NCIS her chances of still having an actual job Monday morning were rather slim.

The bullpen was rather quiet with Callen browsing through the sport section of the newspaper he had snatched from Sam and sipping on his coffee while later was busy folding a tiny paper AK-47.

"What's going on?!" Deeks asked while they made their way to the desks. It wasn't unusual for them to arrive together since they carpooled all the time. Well actually carpooling for them meant that Kensi usually picked him up from his place while his hair was still dripping wet from his morning surf routine.

"Nothing" Callen replied, taking another sip of his coffee before looking up and squinting warily … "or is there?!"

Like they were hit by a live wire they jumped apart to widen the space between them. Snickering in the general direction of Sam's desk Callen proclaimed in a sing sang voice that he now owed him 50 bucks.

"That's no prove G!" Sam didn't even bother to look up and placed the neatly folded rifle next to the paper swan and / or duck at the edge of his desk.

"Maybe not but that bite mark on the back of Deeks neck sure is!" and with that a few things happened at once. 'First' of all Deeks tensed up momentarily slapping his left hand with a soft thud to the back of his neck trying to remember a situation during the last 72h where any such thing as a bite mark would have occurred. 'Secondly' Sam forgot about his next origami pattern and looked up only to find 'thirdly' Kensi's stare of pure shock, she hadn't really left a visible mark, had she? To top the situation off Callen grinned from ear to ear addressing his next words again to Sam.

"I told you so!"

Turing his attention to Kensi he halted her pathetic try of objection.

"Kinky Kens!" and before she could protest or Deeks could help her out Callen raised his hand in a conciliating gesture.

"Don't, we really don't need to know and Deeks you mess this up and a dislocated shoulder is the least of your concerns!"

Only nodding his head viciously to Callen's threat they both sat down at their separate tables and began to sort out the things they would need for the day.

"So Hetty hasn't fired me yet!" Kensi wanted to know and pushed the power button of her notebook. But before Callen could answer her the persistent voice of the tiny woman penetrated the quiet rumble of the office: "Why should I be firing you Ms. Blye!"

"Gee Hetty!" since no one had seen her approach just like usual the shock was quite severe which left Kensi's heart to miss a few beats. And to be totally honest here the way Deeks had achieved the same reaction last night was way more appealing. After taking a more or less calming breath Kensi continued: "Well after everything that has happened!" but she never really got to finish her sentence when Hetty interrupted her again.

"What are you talking about my dear? As I understand you had a little accident at the gym last Friday and hurt your hand. As I can see it has been taken care of and should heal with some TLC in no time!" with the last words her gaze had shifted to Deeks who looked like he wanted to disappear behind his desk out of embarrassment.

"I don't see any reason why that should be a cause to let go of a perfectly fine Agent Ms. Blye!" and with that Hetty began to walk away. On the top of the steps to the operation room she turned around obviously having one more important thing to say.

"Oh and by the way Assistant Director Granger had been called to a new assignment abroad. He has already left and is on his way to Washington D.C. He will start his new post in the Middle East in 12h and 34 minutes." And as she saw the shocked expression all around the room she only shrugged her shoulders.

"Orders from the highest level!" and with that they all knew that the SECNAV probably had his finger in the pie here as well. It had never hurt to have the right kind of connections in life and with that thought Hetty turned around with a tiny smile that had sneaked itself upon her features.


End file.
